I’d planned the party bags. He just wanted to blow out his candles.

For Gabriel’s fourth birthday, Marie had planned a party at home. Three little guests, a cake and a few balloons. On paper, nothing complicated.

Then she’d discovered party bags. She needed small gifts, had to check they suited every age, buy bags and plan an activity to fill the afternoon. The night before, she was still cutting out labels while Gabriel tried to steal a strawberry from the cake.

Marie looked up from her bags. She was preparing a perfect party. Gabriel had a much simpler question.

Why planning a birthday can become exhausting

At three or four, a birthday party can be an enormous event. But adults don’t always have the same idea of what makes it successful. They think about the schedule, the visiting parents, the gifts to hand out and when the children might get bored.

Marie was mainly afraid of disappointing people. That the guests wouldn’t know what to do. That the cake would be too small. That a family would find it odd to leave without a little bag of gifts.

Yet no one had asked her to put on a show. The children were coming to play. Gabriel was waiting for the candles and his friends.

Keep the party, lighten the programme

That morning, Marie decided to leave the bags half filled. She brought out the toys Gabriel already used, cleared a corner of the living room and kept just one planned activity, in case they needed it.

The guests started by chasing a balloon. Then they turned the sofa cushions into a boat. The planned activity stayed untouched on the table.

There was noise, a spilled drink and an argument about the colour of a plate. Nothing like the flawless photograph Marie had imagined. But the children played.

For the next party, she could choose two things that really matter to Gabriel with him, then decide what she actually has the energy to prepare. If party bags make her happy, great. Otherwise, they aren’t compulsory.

After the candles had been blown out, Gabriel asked to do it again. Marie relit the four little flames.

It turned out to be the activity that had needed the least preparation.