Gabriel, my son who’s nearly four, had chosen a pink sequinned jacket. He ran his hand over the sleeve to see how it sparkled. I was checking the size and the zip while already wondering what other people would think.
He wanted to wear that pink jacket. I suggested we look at the blue one too. He asked if it sparkled. Since it didn’t, he went back to the sequins.
The pink jacket and other people’s reactions
The jacket was the right size, suited to the weather and within our budget. There wasn’t much left to check on the practical side.
What was holding me back was a comment nobody had made yet. Gabriel has long hair, often tied in a small topknot. Add the pink jacket and I could already hear the “Oh, he’s a boy?” comments.
I told myself I wanted to protect him. Yet I was the one suggesting he give up something he liked to avoid a reaction that hadn’t even happened.
He had chosen sequins. I didn’t need to turn his taste into a problem or ask him to defend an idea on his way to nursery.
What bothers him and what I’m anticipating
We bought the jacket. The next morning, outside nursery, I caught myself looking for the other parents’ reactions. Gabriel was studying his sleeve.
Someone simply said his jacket was lovely. I felt a little silly, with my answer all ready for criticism that hadn’t come.
To separate the two, I can start with a simple question: is something bothering Gabriel or am I imagining what might happen? An itchy sleeve, a jacket he no longer likes or a comment that hurts him are his concerns. The unease I anticipate around other adults is mine to deal with.
If someone comments on the colour, I can keep my response brief without asking Gabriel to justify himself.
“He likes it and it fits him.”
“Boys can wear pink too. You don’t have to change your jacket because of that comment.”
If he is teased repeatedly, I’ll take it seriously and speak to the nursery. Listening to him also matters more than insisting he keep wearing the jacket at all costs. If he prefers blue the following week, that will still be his choice.
On the way home, he turned his arm towards the sun. This time, I looked at what he was showing me.
