At 6.42 pm, Iris was building a veterinary clinic in the middle of the living room. A giraffe was waiting on a cushion and a crocodile was, apparently, working at reception.
Nora, her mum, announced that the bath was ready.
Nora praised the bubbles, found the yellow boat and promised the big soft towel. Iris rejected the whole programme.
Then, once she was in the water, she started playing with the boat as if the entire activity had been her idea all along.
When a child refuses a bath but is happily playing in the water two minutes later, you may start to wonder what they were really refusing. That evening, the problem might not have been the bath. It was leaving a story that had not yet reached an ending.
When refusing the bath starts in the living room
Nora was already looking towards the next step: bath, pyjamas, then bed. Iris still had a giraffe to treat.
For an adult, moving from the living room to the bathroom is a journey of a few metres. For a young child absorbed in play, it can mean suddenly abandoning something that matters very much at that precise moment.
Making the bath more appealing did not quite answer the problem. Nora was offering a better destination, while Iris mainly needed help closing the scene she was already in.
A warning that says “five more minutes” offers a landmark, but it does not necessarily create an ending for the game. At three and a half, five minutes can pass without the clinic seeing a single extra patient.
Help the game stop without making it disappear
The next day, Nora gave Iris some notice, then came over to her construction. She asked what still needed to happen before the clinic could close until tomorrow.
Iris put an imaginary plaster on the giraffe. Nora took a picture of the clinic, then they placed the animals on a shelf where nobody would step on them.
“I can see you haven’t finished. You can treat one more animal, then we’ll keep the clinic exactly as it is.”
“Would you rather take a picture of your game or put the animals somewhere safe for tomorrow?”
That small bridge does not guarantee a departure without protest. When you have to move quickly or clear the walkway, you can offer one very short final action, acknowledge that stopping is hard and still move on.
The point is not to negotiate every transition until the child is delighted. It is simply not to confuse their refusal to leave now with a refusal of everything that comes next.
That evening, Iris asked for one more minute. Then she handed the crocodile to Nora and ran towards the bathroom.
The bath had not changed. This time, the game had been allowed to end.
