Everyone wanted him to stay and play. He wanted to leave.

At friends’ house, Oscar, my four-and-a-half-year-old son, came to find me with his jacket. The children were still playing in the living room. The adults had just served coffee.

I said he could go back and play a little longer. A friend showed him the toy cars. Another adult added that we were having such a good time here.

Everyone had a good reason to extend the visit. My child wanted to leave, and his jacket was starting to look like a request submitted without a reply.

Wanting to leave doesn’t mean the visit went badly

I didn’t know exactly why Oscar had had enough. The noise, tiredness, an argument I’d missed? He might also simply have finished.

By offering another game, I thought I was helping him enjoy the moment. But several of us were trying to convince him to feel something else. He had to stay, preferably looking happy about it.

I crouched beside him. I asked whether something had happened or whether he mainly wanted to go home. He answered, “Home.”

I didn’t need a complete case file to take that request seriously. I could check that he was all right, hear his answer and decide what came next. The coffee would survive a slightly earlier ending.

Arrange the departure without demanding one last effort

We can’t always leave immediately: sometimes we need to collect a bag, wait for a car or tell our hosts. That wait can be explained without sending the child back to the game they’ve just left.

I told Oscar I was gathering our things and we’d leave afterwards. He could stay near me meanwhile.

I wanted to thank our friends. I didn’t need to obtain a hug, an enthusiastic sentence or one last game from Oscar to prove our gratitude. An adult could handle the polite goodbye while a tired child held his jacket.

I said we’d had a good time and Oscar needed to go home. Without asking him to justify himself in front of everyone.

In the car, he told me about the ramp he’d built with the other children. He’d loved it.

He’d enjoyed the visit. He also wanted it to end. Both fitted perfectly well on the back seat.