He had stopped napping. Except on some days.

At half past eight, Malo, my almost three-year-old son, was making his rabbit bounce on the pillow. The story was read, the main light off and everyone had had their goodnight kiss, rabbit included. Yet Malo seemed to be starting his evening.

Malo had slept after lunch. The day before, without a nap, he had asked for his pyjamas before the pasta was ready. I was trying to drop his nap without turning every bedtime into a guessing game.

For a few days, I had wanted a firm decision. If Malo was old enough to stop sleeping in the afternoon, we would drop the nap. Then he had almost fallen asleep on the sofa at four o’clock. So I had put naps back on the agenda and found a child very available for an evening chat.

Dropping the nap does not always happen all at once

I expected a clear switch: before, he needed it; after, he no longer did. But Malo seemed to move between the two, depending on the previous night and the day he had just had.

A nap could still do him good in the afternoon and delay sleep that evening. Equally, getting through one day without sleeping did not prove he could now manage every day that way.

Part of the problem was my wish for a predictable schedule. I needed an evening that began at roughly the same time, rather than a new problem to solve each day.

Trying to decide once and for all, I ended up fighting what was in front of me: a little boy who was sometimes exhausted and sometimes would not fall asleep.

Keeping a rest time, even without sleep

I started keeping a quiet moment after lunch, without asking Malo to succeed at falling asleep. A book, his comfort toy, less bustle. Some days, he fell asleep. On others, we simply got on with the day.

When a long nap regularly seemed to push bedtime back, I could try shortening it a little. Without a nap, I could bring the evening routine forward slightly if I saw him getting tired. The idea was to observe several days, rather than changing everything after one difficult evening.

This did not give me perfectly regular bedtimes. Mostly, I stopped seeing each nap as a step backwards or each refusal as the official announcement that naps were over.

That evening, I put the rabbit back under the blanket. Malo wriggled for a while longer before falling asleep.

Tomorrow, quiet time would still be on the agenda. We would see about the nap.