Malo, my almost-three-year-old son, had been in the little courtyard for four minutes when he came back and pressed his face against the glass door.
“I want to go inside.”
I had opened the door so he could enjoy being outside. The weather was nice, he had space to get some fresh air and, in my mind, a child outdoors would naturally find something to do.
Except our little courtyard had two chairs, a few plant pots, a gate and just enough floor to take six steps before turning around.
I said, “Come on, play a little!”
As I heard myself, I realised I was asking him to invent an activity in a place where almost nothing could move, be built, hidden or explored.
When a child doesn’t want to play outside
We often talk about outdoor play as if “outside” were an activity in itself. But not every outdoor space offers the same possibilities.
A big park with grass, sticks, a slope and places to run is very different from an empty little courtyard or a balcony where half the objects are off limits.
That doesn’t mean a child needs a huge garden to play. But before deciding that a child doesn’t know how to play outside, or simply prefers screens and indoor toys, we can look at the environment we’re offering.
That day, Malo might not have needed more encouragement. He simply needed something he could do things with.
Change the space a little instead of pushing the child
I went back outside with a basin, two cups and a few toy cars.
I hadn’t organised an “outdoor activity”. I had just added things he could fill, empty, move and roll.
Malo started by pouring water from one cup into the other. Then the cars drove through the basin. Ten minutes later, a leaf was floating in it and had apparently become a boat.
That doesn’t mean a basin will reliably turn a small courtyard into a paradise for free play. Sometimes a child will simply want to come back inside.
But when play doesn’t get started, we can try looking at the space before looking at the child.
Since then, when Malo asks to come in after three minutes, I am a little better at resisting the words, “But make the most of it, it’s lovely outside.”
Sometimes the child doesn’t lack the wish to play. They just need something to play with.
