Oscar, my four-and-a-half-year-old son, was playing quietly in the bath until I brought the rinsing jug close. His shoulders went up and he started crying. I had yet another explanation ready about how fast the water would come out. He had heard every version.

I put the jug down. We could figure out together what was bothering him. Water on his face, the noise or the uncertainty about when rinsing would start could make the same action hard.

Finding something already familiar

On evenings when Oscar wanted to settle down, we sometimes listened to a track with whale sounds. He liked imagining a small boat floating slowly. The image was familiar to him, and he could talk about it without being wet, surprised or rushed.

I thought it might keep him company during shampooing too. We talked before the next bath. He could choose the music or prefer quiet. I wanted to make the moment more predictable, which music alone couldn’t do.

We decided he could hold the washcloth against his forehead if he wanted. I would tell him before each little pour. If he asked for a pause, I would stop. He would stay sitting down, and I would keep my full attention on him. The boat could stay in his imagination.

A little water, then a real pause

“Do you want to listen to your whale track before we start?”

“I’ll pour a tiny bit when you’re ready. If you say pause, I’ll put the jug down.”

If the cloth, the music or my help bothered him, we could adjust. The familiar routine was only worthwhile if it helped him. If hair washing is still very difficult or painful despite adjustments, you can ask a healthcare professional for advice.

At the next bath, Oscar chose the music. I poured a little water, then put down the jug when he raised his hand. A few seconds later, he asked me to continue. He kept the cloth in place until the final rinse. I let him decide when to take it off.

Keep this handy

The situation

Water on the face, noise or uncertainty can make rinsing hard.

Try this

Pick a familiar cue before the bath, announce each pour and stop when the child asks.

  • I’ll pour a tiny bit when you’re ready. If you say pause, I’ll put the jug down.

Keep in mind: Keep the child seated and supervised. Ask a healthcare professional if washing stays very difficult or painful.