The children were asleep. My mind was still making a list.

Camille had just closed the door to Malo’s room. Her son was almost three. After one last glass of water and one last kiss, the apartment had finally gone quiet.

She crossed the living room with the perfectly reasonable idea of sitting down. Then she noticed the laundry basket, the daycare bag to pack, and a notification on her phone. Twenty minutes later, she was still standing with a pajama top in her hand, wondering whether she had remembered the boots for tomorrow.

Children have a bedtime routine. Parents don’t always have a routine for ending their day.

When the evening becomes a second workday

While Malo sleeps, Camille can finally do all the things she couldn’t do with him underfoot. No one needs help pulling on a sock; no one spills a drink. It’s tempting to use the quiet to “get ahead.”

Except there’s always something left. One load of laundry leads to another, then there’s the grocery list, then the message from daycare that needs a reply. Rest has to wait until everything is done. In other words, it has to wait a long time.

Camille realized she was very good at telling Malo, “We’ll put the rest away tomorrow.” She never gave herself the same permission.

Choose what can wait

That night, she didn’t decide to drop the whole family’s routine. The daycare bag really did need to be ready. Sorting the clothes that no longer fit at ten o’clock, though, wasn’t urgent.

She asked herself two simple questions: What has to be done for tomorrow morning to work? And what is simply asking for space in my head?

She wrote “buy toothpaste” on a piece of paper, packed the bag, and left the clean laundry in its basket. The basket wasn’t especially pretty. It wasn’t dangerous either.

Of course, some evenings get away from us, and some families have very little room to maneuver. When everything falls to one adult, deciding to stop isn’t always enough: tasks may also need to be shared, simplified, or postponed. Still, even on a busy day, not every task deserves the same urgency.

Camille finally made it to the sofa. She hadn’t emptied her list.

For once, she was the one who decided the day was over.

Keep this handy

The situation

The children are asleep, but you are still mentally listing everything that needs doing tomorrow.

Try this

Pick out the few things genuinely needed tonight, write the rest down for later and make room to rest.

• “I'll prepare only what we need for tomorrow morning. The rest can wait.”
• “I'll write this down for tomorrow, not for now.”

Keep in mind: If one parent carries all the planning, rest may also require sharing, simplifying or postponing work.