Can a broken piece of fruit help a child learn to handle disappointment?

Oscar, four and a half, had asked his dad Julien to start peeling the banana so he could do the rest himself. As Oscar pulls away the last strip of peel, the banana breaks in two. He holds a half in each hand and asks for a whole one. He pushes away the plate Julien offers him.

Julien has already opened the cupboard where he keeps the fruit. Then he closes it. There’s already something to eat, and he’d rather finish the first banana before opening another. Now he has to tell Oscar, who holds up the two pieces as if his dad might have missed something.

When your child wants their banana whole again

Oscar had planned to eat it holding the peel. Julien sees the same snack in two pieces. Oscar sees something he was going to do on his own that he can no longer do the way he planned. Julien can acknowledge that even if the difference feels tiny to him.

Some days opening another piece of fruit will suit everyone. This time Julien keeps the banana they’ve already peeled. He can say what he’s decided without asking Oscar to agree it’s fair. He can leave it there without insisting that Oscar eat it or come up with an answer right away.

Give the disappointment a moment before offering an idea

Julien waits a little before offering a fork. If Oscar wants to leave the banana, snack time can carry on without counting bites. Small setbacks happen often enough that we can help children with the ones that come up naturally.

Oscar washes his hands, then comes back to ask for his little fork. Julien hands him the plate. The banana is still in two pieces. Oscar spears the first one all by himself.

Keep this handy

The situation

The banana breaks and your child asks for a whole one.

Try this

Acknowledge what they had planned, say what you’ve decided and give them time.

• You wanted to hold it whole. I’ll leave the pieces here if you want them.

Keep in mind: You can keep the same fruit available without making your child eat it.