You can be very angry. The toy, though, still can't fly.

Camille announced that it was time to put away the play dough before bath time. Malo, her nearly-three-year-old son, clutched his dinosaur and shouted that he hadn’t finished.

“You can be very angry,” his mum replied.

The dinosaur flew across the rug.

For a second, Camille felt she had got something wrong. She had just acknowledged her child’s anger, and the result was heading towards the bookcase. She heard herself begin: “But I told you I understood!”

As though understanding his anger should be enough to stop the throwing.

Accepting anger doesn’t mean allowing every action

Camille had wanted to tell Malo that being furious didn’t make him bad. She hadn’t given him permission to send toys across the living room. Yet, in her own mind, those two responses were still hard to hold together.

If she took the dinosaur away, would she be contradicting her words? If she kept speaking gently without stepping in, who would stop the second flight?

She picked up the toy and put it on a shelf. Malo shouted louder. The boundary hadn’t made the feeling disappear; it had simply stopped another dinosaur meeting the lamp.

We can recognise disappointment while stopping actions that hurt or damage things. A child doesn’t have to agree with a boundary for it to remain necessary. Nor do they have to stop being angry immediately to receive our support.

Two responses can fit into the same sentence

Camille moved closer, leaving Malo room to step back. She didn’t repeat a long explanation about why it was bath time. He had already heard the reasons and hadn’t found them convincing.

This time, she connected what she understood with what she would do:

Malo hadn’t asked for a cuddle. Camille didn’t add one to the programme. She stayed available while he protested, without searching for a sentence perfect enough to make him like the situation.

When objects are about to fly, protecting comes before explaining. We can move things that could hurt out of reach, pause the game or change location, then return to words when they can be heard. Accepting a feeling doesn’t require watching the next throw happen.

Malo protested again when Camille closed the box. This time, nothing flew across the living room.

Keep this handy

The situation

Your child throws toys in anger, and you need to step in without dismissing their frustration.

Try this

Move anything that might hurt someone, name the anger and hold the limit without demanding instant calm.

• “I won't let you throw that toy. I'm putting it here.”
• “I'll stay nearby while you're angry.”

Keep in mind: A boundary still applies even when your child protests; they do not have to agree with it.