Malo, my almost three-year-old son, announced “poo” between the mashed potato and the glass of water. Then he watched my face, waiting for the next part of the show.

I had already banned that word at the table. Very seriously, which seemed to have increased its comic value. He repeated it, delighted that the programme was still working.

Toilet words affect grown-ups too

At this age, words about the body can be interesting for several reasons. They name something children are discovering, circulate among friends and provoke very visible reactions.

I didn’t have to laugh at every repetition. But my outrage also offered a spectacular response. By debating the word, we had given it almost the entire dinner conversation.

I could set a boundary about the context without making the body shameful. Saying you need the toilet must remain possible, including at the table. A question about the body deserves an answer too.

What bothered me here was the repetition to get a reaction, not the word’s existence in our language. That distinction was useful before announcing a ban I couldn’t enforce on our next trip to the toilet.

A short boundary, with less of an audience

I answered once, calmly, then returned to the meal. There was no need for a grand lesson on manners for each new episode. I could suggest another word game without becoming the dinner’s permanent entertainer.

“If you need the toilet, you can tell me. Let's find something else to make us laugh at the table.”

“That word makes you laugh. I'm going back to my meal.”

If Malo used the word to insult someone, I could stop the insult and name that boundary. It wasn’t all about ignoring. And if another adult felt uncomfortable, we could agree on a simple response rather than multiply contradictory reactions.

The word didn’t disappear that evening. Malo tried it again, slightly louder. I kept the same response and asked him to pass the bread.

He eventually called the mash “potato-hat”. It wasn’t great literature. As dinner conversation went, it was already a change of programme.

Keep this handy

The situation

Your child repeats toilet words to get a reaction at the table.

Try this

Respond calmly about context, reduce dramatic reactions and keep bodily needs expressible.

  • “You can talk about your body without using those words to insult someone.”

Keep in mind: A toilet request or question about the body deserves an answer; an insult requires a boundary.