My five-year-old daughter Louise was waiting for a classmate to come over for an afternoon snack. I had put out two glasses, some apples and the wooden train set. Then I added two cups and wondered how many things I would need to talk about for an hour.

The girls laid the first piece of track before I had figured out where to put the other mum’s coat. I had arranged a playdate for Louise. I was already trying to make my own go well.

Two children can hit it off very quickly

The girls had something to do together. I had a teapot and the feeling that every silence was mine to fill. At one point I offered the other mum tea for the second time while she was still holding her cup.

The adults need to exchange a few details to make the visit go smoothly. Who’s staying, what time it ends and what the children can eat, for example. The rest can come in its own time, or stay an ordinary conversation between two people who barely know each other.

I wanted Louise to see her friend again. I didn’t need to know whether her mum and I would choose to go for a coffee together. The train was doing just fine while we looked for things to say.

A playdate that works for the adults too

Next time I could suggest a shorter visit or meet the family at the park. The children could play and the adults could stay nearby without sitting across a table from each other the whole time.

“Shall we meet at the park after school? I can stay until five.”

“Let’s have a quick snack at ours. We’ll stay with them and finish at five.”

If either of us plans to leave, we need to discuss that first. Supervision depends on age, needs and how well the adults trust each other. An invitation by itself doesn’t mean someone has agreed to look after a child.

Towards the end, the other mum watched the girls negotiate a bridge for their train. She said she could come to the park the following week. I said yes. We hadn’t even finished our tea.

Keep this handy

The situation

A playdate can make adults feel they need to become close.

Try this

Suggest a short get-together and agree on the place, end time and supervision.

  • Shall we meet at the park after school? I can stay until five.

Keep in mind: If a parent wants to leave, agree beforehand who will stay with the children.